Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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