I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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