4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
