The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
