But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
