NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
