I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
