At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
