people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He felt like a one man threesome
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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