One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
