bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
