That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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