I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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