there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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