I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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