You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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