Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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