At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
