just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
