their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
