I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
