Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Mom said you looked used
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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