Whatcha textin bout Willis?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
