If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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