dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
