Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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