next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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