Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
