im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
