I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she peed on how many people?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize