did you get engaged???
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
