1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
