zippers are such a cool invention
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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