Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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