I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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