I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
