Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
