R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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