Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
