i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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