just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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