Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
