I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so let's talk penis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
