just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
