either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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