Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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