After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
