Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
