"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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