oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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