He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
