Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
