I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
