Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
50% drunk capacity currently
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
